Wow! I know it has been a long time since I've blogged, but I have been super busy the last couple of weeks. But I have some coming soon. Here they are in random order:
Loralee's engagement photos
My 26th Birthday
Loralee's Bridal Shower
Stay tuned.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Chalk it up to Experience/Lesson Learned
So Friday night I was hanging out with my girls and Melanie was really low. I don't know why she wouldn't say. Which if she reads this she should know how frustrating it is when your friends won't open up to you because then we don't know how to help even how to console or whatever. I guess I'm always an open book so I never feel the need to not tell people why I'm feeling down. Obviously. Anyway, the next day I was shopping at Costco with some girls from my ward for the mingle that was today. Tacos, it was good. Lots of work though and I am tired. So anyway we passed by some flowers and I thought I would get Melanie some to cheer her up. And that it would also not make me as frustrated with her. It worked great. I dropped off some of the food to the bishop's house to store then went to Mel's to give her the flowers.
Now Melanie lives back off the street in this cute little town home. She has a two car garage and a small driveway. Usually if the driveway is full then I park just outside her house which is a tow away zone but I hadn't been towed yet. So today, even though there was a spot free in her driveway I didn't want to block anyone coming out of the garage so I just parked in the tow zone. I'd only be there for a minute anyway. In fact I'll just leave my purse in the car and just take my keys and wallet.
Melanie was very happy to get the flowers and so that made me happy too. Though the little nasty thoughts creeped in earlier about how I am such a great friend and really anyone would appreciate to have a friend like me. So why don't I feel like my friends appreciate me as much as I think they should. I don't think any of them have gone out of there way to do something to cheer me up other than listen to me blabber on about my weaknesses and so forth. Which does help, don't get me wrong, but do they go out of their way? Anyway I pushed those thoughts aside because they don't help and when I gave Melanie the flowers I was really glad to make her feel better. So I chatted with her and her roommate Sarah for twenty minutes or so and then headed out the door.
But as I look out the door to where my car is supposed to be all I see is an empty piece of pavement. I went through lots of emotions in the next hour. First I was shocked. It was so fast and usually we can hear when trucks come down that road. Well, Melanie got the company of the tow truck company and I called.
"Yeah, my blue buick skylark was just towed."
"Yep we just got it dropped off. It's gonna be $251.00. We are cash only."
"Okay, well my purse was in the car. Can I come get it?"
"Well, if you come right back with the money, then yes. If not, then no."
The rest of the conversation he gave me the address and repeating that they were a cash only place.
"You need to let us know twenty minutes in advance before you come here."
"Well, I'm coming now, is that advance enough for you?" (I'm starting to seeth a little here.)
"That should be fine."
Then the anger set in. Well, anger went in out actually. Angry at myself for being so stupid, mostly. We thought maybe a neighbor had called it in because Melanie has this really cantankerous neighbor that would just be the type. And he's complained about people parking there before. As Melanie went to get her shoes on, I started to vent and cry a little.
"$250. What a waste."
We hop in Mel's car and she drives me to the lot out on the west side of town. The lot was in horrible disarray and full of mostly junk cars. I went to the small office in a shed where one guy was and he told me where my car was so I could go get my purse. Also in the car was five pounds of raw ground beef that I needed to cook that night. As we were leaving, he told me that if I didn't come right back he would have to charge me another $55. So we headed to the nearest bank behind a pack of thirty-five bikers in town for some Harley Davidson convention or something. I saw hundreds of them later as I passed by the store on my way home. I pulled out $300 from savings. The guy better have change. We head back to the lot. The guy didn't have change. I gave him $260 and he had to scrounge in his truck and take money from some other poor suckers who'd had to pay to get their car. He had stapled to their money to their sign out sheets. The same sheet that I then had to sign. It's kind of a humiliating experience.
But you know these things happen. I shouldn't have parked there even though I don't think it should be a tow away zone. It's not blocking anything other than Melanie's driveway and that's who I am visiting. But really I'm not that upset. Though losing that money does really suck. Oh well. But I think that karma is crap now because I was doing something good for someone and then I got screwed. I don't regret doing it though. It's just one of those things.
Now Melanie lives back off the street in this cute little town home. She has a two car garage and a small driveway. Usually if the driveway is full then I park just outside her house which is a tow away zone but I hadn't been towed yet. So today, even though there was a spot free in her driveway I didn't want to block anyone coming out of the garage so I just parked in the tow zone. I'd only be there for a minute anyway. In fact I'll just leave my purse in the car and just take my keys and wallet.
Melanie was very happy to get the flowers and so that made me happy too. Though the little nasty thoughts creeped in earlier about how I am such a great friend and really anyone would appreciate to have a friend like me. So why don't I feel like my friends appreciate me as much as I think they should. I don't think any of them have gone out of there way to do something to cheer me up other than listen to me blabber on about my weaknesses and so forth. Which does help, don't get me wrong, but do they go out of their way? Anyway I pushed those thoughts aside because they don't help and when I gave Melanie the flowers I was really glad to make her feel better. So I chatted with her and her roommate Sarah for twenty minutes or so and then headed out the door.
But as I look out the door to where my car is supposed to be all I see is an empty piece of pavement. I went through lots of emotions in the next hour. First I was shocked. It was so fast and usually we can hear when trucks come down that road. Well, Melanie got the company of the tow truck company and I called.
"Yeah, my blue buick skylark was just towed."
"Yep we just got it dropped off. It's gonna be $251.00. We are cash only."
"Okay, well my purse was in the car. Can I come get it?"
"Well, if you come right back with the money, then yes. If not, then no."
The rest of the conversation he gave me the address and repeating that they were a cash only place.
"You need to let us know twenty minutes in advance before you come here."
"Well, I'm coming now, is that advance enough for you?" (I'm starting to seeth a little here.)
"That should be fine."
Then the anger set in. Well, anger went in out actually. Angry at myself for being so stupid, mostly. We thought maybe a neighbor had called it in because Melanie has this really cantankerous neighbor that would just be the type. And he's complained about people parking there before. As Melanie went to get her shoes on, I started to vent and cry a little.
"$250. What a waste."
We hop in Mel's car and she drives me to the lot out on the west side of town. The lot was in horrible disarray and full of mostly junk cars. I went to the small office in a shed where one guy was and he told me where my car was so I could go get my purse. Also in the car was five pounds of raw ground beef that I needed to cook that night. As we were leaving, he told me that if I didn't come right back he would have to charge me another $55. So we headed to the nearest bank behind a pack of thirty-five bikers in town for some Harley Davidson convention or something. I saw hundreds of them later as I passed by the store on my way home. I pulled out $300 from savings. The guy better have change. We head back to the lot. The guy didn't have change. I gave him $260 and he had to scrounge in his truck and take money from some other poor suckers who'd had to pay to get their car. He had stapled to their money to their sign out sheets. The same sheet that I then had to sign. It's kind of a humiliating experience.
But you know these things happen. I shouldn't have parked there even though I don't think it should be a tow away zone. It's not blocking anything other than Melanie's driveway and that's who I am visiting. But really I'm not that upset. Though losing that money does really suck. Oh well. But I think that karma is crap now because I was doing something good for someone and then I got screwed. I don't regret doing it though. It's just one of those things.
Friday, June 06, 2008
It seems to be an emotional time for me (Yes, again!)
I think I'm just hormonal or something. I'm up and down and any little thing can just make my day or send me into depressed or hating everyone state. The following contains things about people who may read this blog, but I've decided I don't like censoring myself. In fact, in most cases I probably want whomever to read it. It's totally passive aggressive, but that's how I roll. Non-confrontational all the way.
So here are some examples of what has turned my mood in circles this week.
Sunday: I decided to make a comment in Relief Society (I know, big mistake). The lesson was on negativity and how we are down on ourselves a lot blah blah blah. The teacher (who is a really nice girl and a counselor in the RS) asked for examples of how we get down on ourselves. So after several were given I raise my hand and say something along the lines of "There are times when days go by and I haven't heard from my friends. No one has called me to do anything so I get a little depressed by it wondering why no one wants to hang out with me. But then I think to myself, well why should they call me, why don't I call them to do something. They are probably doing the same thing, just sitting around waiting for someone to call." That was basically the jist I was trying to get across. So the teacher then looks at me and says, "Thanks for that. By the way, I'm having a party on Thursday so you are invited (looking at me) and you should really come. You all are invited." Great. How pathetic did I feel right then? Not as much as I did after Sunday school when the same girl was handing out invites to her party and as I walk by she says "I gave an invite to your roommate but of course you are totally invited too and I really want you to come. " Now this girl is really sweet and didn't mean anything by what she said but to point me out like that really bugged. I felt like some lowly girl that everyone pitys and acts like their friend out of christian goodness.
Monday: I was over at Carrie's hanging out and talking about her upcoming move and other things. I was sitting in her room and then her roommate, Angela, came home. As Angela headed into her room she saw me and said hi and then said, "Cassie, those shoes are cute, you always look so cute. I really love your style." How awesome is that? Total pick me up. Really, I owe almost all of it to "What Not To Wear." Seriously that show has really helped me.
Tuesday: Jen, this girl at work and I became friends pretty quickly since she started a while ago. Annie and I have had our on and off moments in our work friendship. Jen and Annie work up front together and I go and talk to them every once in a while. So we're all friends. So on this day I was up talking to Jen and Annie after lunch and Jen had these presents from some friends of hers and balloons and Annie said it was her birthday, well not until Friday. That this one friend had gone to lunch with her and Annie went too. Somewhere in this conversation, Jen mentioned going to mediation on Thursday and that's what the presents were for but I must have missed that connection somehow. Right then as I'm talking to them they decide to go for a ten minute walk for a break and they just go. Did they ask me to go along? No. So I was feeling out of the loop. And consequently acted grouchy to them the rest of the day. Plus had a little break down about getting checks signed and stupid directors not giving it any priority making my job stressful so yeah, not a happy camper that day.
Wednesday: I call Jen to ask her a work-related question and she brings up that I was grouchy toward her and Annie yesterday and was I mad at her for some reason. So told her how I felt out of the loop and stuff. Granted, for lunches I have said that I value having lunch to myself so I don't go with them every week to the missionaries lunch thing but you know every once in a while would be nice to be asked. But I understand, that why would keep asking someone who says no all the time. But it wasn't really that, it was the little walks they take and the fact that I thought I had been left out of her birthday lunch. She assured that that wouldn't happen, that it was to celebrate her mediation coming up and her friend wanted to meet Annie for some reason and cleared it up. So made me feel a little better.
Thursday: Went to the R.S. girl's party and actually had fun. Spent most of the night talking to Loralee and our friend Joni, which I tend to gravitate toward the familiar and I always enjoy talking to Joni. And I got nice compliments on my hair so that was good. Also, that night I got to talk to my mom for a little bit and even Alyson as well. So good times all around.
Friday (today): It's Jen's birthday but it kind of was in the back of my mind and the first thing I thought to ask her was how her mediation went. Which went extremely well and she told me the story and I was so enthralled that I forgot to wish her a happy birthday. Even when her boss came up and gave her a little present and card and said "I'm paying for your lunch today. Your and Annie's." First off, my boss isn't near as nice as that and why include Annie? Pay for Annie's lunch on her birthday. Whatever, it's his money. So I get busy with work and realize that it is totally past my lunch time and I head to the cafeteria to see what's there. As I wait for the elevator I look to see if Jen is at her desk and she isn't. That's right it's her lunchtime too and then it hits. Oh yeah she and Annie are probably having her birthday lunch. The one that I would never be left out of, right? Apparently I was. Then the bad thoughts come. Was it because I didn't wish her happy birthday? I meant to I really did. So I shoot her off an email saying so and wish her a happy birthday. But really, I don't think she wouldn't think of me just because of that. Is it because she thinks I want to have lunch by myself? But in our previous conversation I said that I wanted to start coming more and obviously I had been hurt when I thought I had been left out before. So she should know how I would feel. So maybe it's just that they don't want to be that close of friends with me anymore. I annoy them with me coming to talk to them all the time or something. I don't know. It hurts to think so but it's not the first time so I'll recover. I'm sure if it ever comes up (since I'm terrible at hiding my feelings) Jen will give some good reason why, like her boss paid for them and so it wouldn't have worked for me to be there. That's crap. Hello, I could have paid for myself and been fine. Plus I think it was rude for him to tell her that he was paying for her and Annie in front of me when he knows that we are all friends (at least I thought so) and sees me up there talking to them all the time, especially to Jen. Whatever, so I've shed a few tears about it but I'll get over it. If they happen to read this well this how I feel and I don't want you to try to make it better if you don't really want to include me in your friendship. Because, honestly I don't want to be where I'm not wanted, I just didn't know that I wasn't wanted.
So here are some examples of what has turned my mood in circles this week.
Sunday: I decided to make a comment in Relief Society (I know, big mistake). The lesson was on negativity and how we are down on ourselves a lot blah blah blah. The teacher (who is a really nice girl and a counselor in the RS) asked for examples of how we get down on ourselves. So after several were given I raise my hand and say something along the lines of "There are times when days go by and I haven't heard from my friends. No one has called me to do anything so I get a little depressed by it wondering why no one wants to hang out with me. But then I think to myself, well why should they call me, why don't I call them to do something. They are probably doing the same thing, just sitting around waiting for someone to call." That was basically the jist I was trying to get across. So the teacher then looks at me and says, "Thanks for that. By the way, I'm having a party on Thursday so you are invited (looking at me) and you should really come. You all are invited." Great. How pathetic did I feel right then? Not as much as I did after Sunday school when the same girl was handing out invites to her party and as I walk by she says "I gave an invite to your roommate but of course you are totally invited too and I really want you to come. " Now this girl is really sweet and didn't mean anything by what she said but to point me out like that really bugged. I felt like some lowly girl that everyone pitys and acts like their friend out of christian goodness.
Monday: I was over at Carrie's hanging out and talking about her upcoming move and other things. I was sitting in her room and then her roommate, Angela, came home. As Angela headed into her room she saw me and said hi and then said, "Cassie, those shoes are cute, you always look so cute. I really love your style." How awesome is that? Total pick me up. Really, I owe almost all of it to "What Not To Wear." Seriously that show has really helped me.
Tuesday: Jen, this girl at work and I became friends pretty quickly since she started a while ago. Annie and I have had our on and off moments in our work friendship. Jen and Annie work up front together and I go and talk to them every once in a while. So we're all friends. So on this day I was up talking to Jen and Annie after lunch and Jen had these presents from some friends of hers and balloons and Annie said it was her birthday, well not until Friday. That this one friend had gone to lunch with her and Annie went too. Somewhere in this conversation, Jen mentioned going to mediation on Thursday and that's what the presents were for but I must have missed that connection somehow. Right then as I'm talking to them they decide to go for a ten minute walk for a break and they just go. Did they ask me to go along? No. So I was feeling out of the loop. And consequently acted grouchy to them the rest of the day. Plus had a little break down about getting checks signed and stupid directors not giving it any priority making my job stressful so yeah, not a happy camper that day.
Wednesday: I call Jen to ask her a work-related question and she brings up that I was grouchy toward her and Annie yesterday and was I mad at her for some reason. So told her how I felt out of the loop and stuff. Granted, for lunches I have said that I value having lunch to myself so I don't go with them every week to the missionaries lunch thing but you know every once in a while would be nice to be asked. But I understand, that why would keep asking someone who says no all the time. But it wasn't really that, it was the little walks they take and the fact that I thought I had been left out of her birthday lunch. She assured that that wouldn't happen, that it was to celebrate her mediation coming up and her friend wanted to meet Annie for some reason and cleared it up. So made me feel a little better.
Thursday: Went to the R.S. girl's party and actually had fun. Spent most of the night talking to Loralee and our friend Joni, which I tend to gravitate toward the familiar and I always enjoy talking to Joni. And I got nice compliments on my hair so that was good. Also, that night I got to talk to my mom for a little bit and even Alyson as well. So good times all around.
Friday (today): It's Jen's birthday but it kind of was in the back of my mind and the first thing I thought to ask her was how her mediation went. Which went extremely well and she told me the story and I was so enthralled that I forgot to wish her a happy birthday. Even when her boss came up and gave her a little present and card and said "I'm paying for your lunch today. Your and Annie's." First off, my boss isn't near as nice as that and why include Annie? Pay for Annie's lunch on her birthday. Whatever, it's his money. So I get busy with work and realize that it is totally past my lunch time and I head to the cafeteria to see what's there. As I wait for the elevator I look to see if Jen is at her desk and she isn't. That's right it's her lunchtime too and then it hits. Oh yeah she and Annie are probably having her birthday lunch. The one that I would never be left out of, right? Apparently I was. Then the bad thoughts come. Was it because I didn't wish her happy birthday? I meant to I really did. So I shoot her off an email saying so and wish her a happy birthday. But really, I don't think she wouldn't think of me just because of that. Is it because she thinks I want to have lunch by myself? But in our previous conversation I said that I wanted to start coming more and obviously I had been hurt when I thought I had been left out before. So she should know how I would feel. So maybe it's just that they don't want to be that close of friends with me anymore. I annoy them with me coming to talk to them all the time or something. I don't know. It hurts to think so but it's not the first time so I'll recover. I'm sure if it ever comes up (since I'm terrible at hiding my feelings) Jen will give some good reason why, like her boss paid for them and so it wouldn't have worked for me to be there. That's crap. Hello, I could have paid for myself and been fine. Plus I think it was rude for him to tell her that he was paying for her and Annie in front of me when he knows that we are all friends (at least I thought so) and sees me up there talking to them all the time, especially to Jen. Whatever, so I've shed a few tears about it but I'll get over it. If they happen to read this well this how I feel and I don't want you to try to make it better if you don't really want to include me in your friendship. Because, honestly I don't want to be where I'm not wanted, I just didn't know that I wasn't wanted.
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