As I mentioned this in my previous blog I thought I would explain it a little if it wasn't already self-explanatory. My roommate loves the self-help books, especially those that give relationship advice. So she read this book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Because I don't really enjoy reading these types of books my roommate enlightens me on what she has learned. So now, this book has become a sort of every day thing on how to explain other people's behavior and how they express their love. Mainly it's a way of understanding other people and not being hurt if they express their love differently then you would like. It is important to know your own and your loved ones love language to make your bond stronger. There is also a website that has a very simple quiz on figuring out what your love language is.
Here are the five:
1. Words of Affirmation: basically giving verbal compliments or encouragement.
2. Quality Time: This consists of focusing all of your energy on your mate when you spend time with them.
3. Receiving Gifts: Pretty self-explanatory
4. Acts of Service: Even just doing the simplest of chores can be a great expression of love.
5. Physical Touch: self-explanatory
The website gives a better explanation of each. I encourage you to check it out. Now I said in the previous post that my love language may be gifts, but I don't know that that is my primary language. I have found that I like to receive gifts because I like to give them, however I want the gifts that receive to be just as thoughtful as mine are. For instance my other roommate is not good at the gift-giving. So I tend to not put much thought into her gifts because she doesn't into mine (that is when she gives me a gift, sometimes she doesn't) Which then of course I feel slighted when I don't get a gift at a time when I expecting one. But still I think that is my secondary language.
My primary language is, I believe, quality time. I want to have someone's attention focused on me. When someone specifically asks to be around me and its just me I feel special. I feel like I must have a great personality or am just fun to be around. It makes me feel wonderful and loved. It makes me want to be more fun for that person to hang around with.
The other three are quite less in my eyes. I'm not good at taking compliments, acts of service are alright but I don't tend to notice them (man I hope that is not the love language of the man I marry because he will not be feeling the love very often). And physical touch is something I have had little experience with. Though I'm sure once I gain more experience it might blow receiving gifts out of the water (:
10 comments:
Just went to the website. From the one question given, I guess my Language of Love is Words of Affirmation. That sounds fitting to me, but the words better be truthful and not just buttering up emptiness.
I came up with Acts of Service. That's what make me feel loved. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to sure others love because I'm not great at giving Acts of Service. I'm just not good at the love thing.
Well, mom you don't necessarily have to give acts of service to show love to others because that may not be their love language. Like with booklogged, just give a nice compliment that you mean. That's not hard
I was originally looking at these love languages from the perspective of "how I show love" is my love language, not "how I feel loved". From that perspective I think I'm mostly an "Acts of Service" type. I like to do nice, thoughtful things for others; that includes giving a nice, thoughtful gift on an unexpected occasion. That's not to say that I'm ALWAYS nice and thoughtful. I don't really know what love language makes me feel loved. Maybe I should check out the webpage, but not tonight.
I did the same thing, Aly, and thought it referred to how I SHOW love. In that respect, I show love by spending quality time with the people I love. My alone time is the best present I can give because I cherish it so much. Now that I think about it, I think I feel love when someone spends quality time with me, so I guess the answer is the same no matter how I look at it. Hmm. Interesting.
Cassie, we already discussed my views on self-help books. My roommate was given a doozie, "Find A Husband After 35". We laughed and laughed as we read it. Afterwards I felt sad that someone might actually feel like they had to jump through all those hoops just to find someone to love them. They don't realize that they really want someone who will love them just for being themselves, without jumping through hoops.
...but Julie, your roommate isn't even 35 yet! And she's far from it!
Since I read this post last week, I've found myself analyzing people and what their language of love is. It's been pretty funny.
Now, I need to go figure out where and how to take that test!
I think Julie that you are right that how you feel loved and how you show love are the same thing because that is your love language. However, you have to take into account other people so if you show love the way you feel love but that is not how they feel loved then they won't feel loved. Did you get all that? That's a rather complicated sentence.
Oh self-help books. That is funny that your roommate got that. How sad that someone gave that to her.
Cassie, I totally got what you were trying to say, and I agree. It made me wonder how you find another person's love language, though. Do you ask?
The book was kind of a joke, but just kind of. Her boss wants her to be more aggressive about finding a boyfriend/husband. Fortunately my roommate has a sense of humor and wasn't offended.
Well, I haven't read the actual book. But I think you just have to be observant (if you don't feel comfortable asking) Like if the other person gets irritated if you don't notice something they have done for you or for themselves. You have to listen between the lines. I think the easiest way to tell is in the complaining. Most likely you'll complain when needs aren't being met. Ie. "I'm the only that cleans up around here." That could be a subtle hint that the love language is acts of service. Though it gets annoying if you really listen to the underneath of what that person is complaining about I think that will tell you their love language.
Does that mean your roommates' love language is acts of service? Hehehe, just kidding.
Post a Comment