Tuesday, April 03, 2012

It's a Whirlwind Right Now

There is so much going on in my life right now.  Well, really only two big things but they are huge things!! 

So first up is I finally have a house under contract.  AAAH!  I never thought it would happen.  I have secretly anxiously anticipated and dreaded this event.  It's a huge decision.  Anyway, it's one of the first town homes I looked at back in June.  When the first house I offered on fell through, we checked back in on this one, but there were several offers already so I passed.  So then offered on house number 2, but soon thereafter (and by soon I mean three months) lost out on that one too.  My wonderful realtor decided to once again check on the other house and by this time, January, all the offers had fallen through.  There are tenants living in the house now and they decided to not allow showings at the house anymore.  So their lease was going to be up soon.  Since I had seen the house and liked it I decided to put an offer in to get in before anyone else had a chance to see it. 

Around this time you may remember I was also moving.  So I've been in my new place for two months now.  I was afraid that I would get a house soon after moving, but I don't regret moving.  I have been loving my new place.  My roommates are great and it's taken a lot of stress out of my life.  Well, about two weeks ago everything was approved, lender signed the contract on the short sale and I am set to close on April 25th.  That is if I don't back out.

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions these past two weeks.  Wondering if this is the right thing.  Do I really like this house enough to buy it?  Am I okay enough about the location?  The location is probably the main drawback.  It's not super horrible, but just not where I envisioned myself.  But it doesn't have to be forever and I think I can live there for several years.  I am getting a killer deal on this house.  It's cheap enough that I don't have to have a roommate and still be able to put money in savings each month.  I'm excited to make it my own.  I've already envisioned new carpet, counter tops and paint.  Not that any of that stuff will happen right away.  I gotta buy furniture and a few appliances.  I think I can go a little slow over several months to make it the way I want it.  I need to keep reading my blogs because seeing all the DIY stuff I could do gets me excited for my house.  That is probably will help me be okay with this purchase.

The other big thing is I'm leaving for a ten day trip to Peru in two days.  It's right in the middle of buying the house so that adds a little stress, but I think I have everything in order.  I'm excited for the trip.  It wasn't anything that I dreamed about, but it will be an adventure.  I think I will be exhausted when I get back.  I am overwhelmed by what to pack.  We'll be cold most of the time and then we'll hit a really hot zone. 

Anyway, any words of encouragement on my house purchase will be highly appreciated.  I'm gonna try to forget about it while on the trip, but I'm sure it will creep in every now and then. 

Friday, January 20, 2012

It's been a hard month

Well, I hope this will be the last depressing/angry post that I write in a while, but this month has been awful. 

First, major post holiday blues.  I just couldn't shake them especially when my roommate Tamara tells me that our other roommate Kristina is moving out and her best friend is moving.  I really like Kristina so I was sad to hear that.  Tamara and I don't really get along, it's ridiculous that we've lived together for eight year, but the last four have not been good but bearable.  I had an offer on a house.  I really hoped I would get it, but unfortunately I didn't.  It just seemed like everything was going wrong in my life.  I felt so alone.  Crying all the time.  My poor mom was probably so worried because I would always cry when I talked to her. 

Then my friend Melanie pushed me to go look at another place that our friend is renting out.  I would share with two unknown girls but I would get the master suite.  Bigger room, walk-in closet and my own bathroom.  It was nice and the girls sound like good girls.  I was still really reluctant to make the move.  I was really stressed about it.  I've lived in my house for eight years.  Change is scary.  It took Melanie just pushing and pushing until and cried and gave in.  Even after I told Kasey (the owner) that I would move in, I still wasn't sure.  Even talking to my mom I was crying and could not understand my feelings.  She felt like I should do it because I have been so unhappy in my home life.  That I'm just really disappointed that I didn't get my house.  I think that's really true.

So in three weeks from that point, I would be moving.  Amazingly, my crazy roommate made me feel so much better about my decision.  She has just been doing things that continually piss me off.  Because her friend wants to paint the bathroom (currently mine and Kristina's), Tamara has taken it upon herself to get it done.  I thought she would wait until I was moved out.  But she's not working right now and bored.  It's this chocolate brown color now.  It feels like a dark brown hole.  And when Tamara was done painting she left her brushes and glass casserole dish that she used as a paint tray (Why?) in our bathtub all day.  I finally had to clean it up and scrub our tub so I could take a shower.  Then she changed the shower curtain with whatever she picked out and it was too heavy for the rod so it kept falling down.  Again something I had to deal with.  There's a slew of other things.  I just can't wait until it's over.  I even asked her to stop making changes to the bathroom (granted it may have come out harsh) and now we are in this fight because she thinks I'm rude.  How dare I not appreciate her "making the house nice?"  Maybe you're definition of nice is not mine.  It's my bathroom.  Whatever, one more week and I won't have to deal with her anymore.

While all this is going on, my work is being completely overhauled and no one but the high-ups know what's going on.  It's just rampant speculation.  Good thing I got my promotion and raise when I did or else it wouldn't have happened.  Anyway, it's causing a lot of stress not to mention this is really the busiest time of year for me.

I hope in a little over a week everything will be much better.  I do have an exciting trip to Peru to look forward to so that's something though the cost worries me a little.  But I'll deal with it.  And just because I'm moving doesn't mean I'm giving up the house hunt.  I'm still on the look out.  Maybe third time's a charm.   

Saturday, January 07, 2012

I'm Back!

Well, it's January.  And of course if it's January, it means that resolutions are in full swing for most people and I am no exception.  So here are mine for 2012 (in no particular order):

1. Blog More.  I hope to write a post at least once a week, but there may be times it's only once a month.  I'll definitely try to not let it be only a couple times this year.  I think I felt like my life had stagnated this year so what was there to write about.  But it's not true.  Things happened and things will happen this year.  Things are already in motion to happen this year.  I'll talk more about that stuff later.

2. Lose 50lbs by my 30th birthday.  Yes, the ever cliched lose weight resolution.  But since I have a goal time I'm hoping to reach then maybe that will help me achieve it more.  It basically equates to losing two pounds a week.  I've already tried lessening my portions and it's my goal to walk on the treadmill at least four times a week.  Perhaps build up to jogging.  So wish me luck.

3. Pass at least one CMA Exam.  There are two exams to get my CMA certification.  This one is going to be tough.  I'm not a good studier.  But it needs to happen.  I had originally planned to take the first test this February but I'm already behind on studying and lots of things are going on that are distracting me.  So it my not be until May.  But it has to be May at the very latest.

4. Be more active in Church and its various activities.  I've told myself that I can only miss church once a month.  I need to put in more effort if I want to get more out of it.  Church really isn't my thing but I believe in its importance and I'm hoping increasing my spirtuality will add to my happiness.  I would also like to read the Book of Mormon again this year.

5. Read 3 books from my AP English list.  When I was a junior in high school my AP English teacher gave us a huge list of books that we could choose from to do our book reports on.  I told myself that I would read every book on the list with the exception of the Greek histories.  I just can't do those.  I've read some hear and there but they've gone on the back burner in the last several years.  So I want to read three of them this year.

6. Learn to play the piano or guitar better.  I have both and I can only play a little bit on each and would love to be more proficient in one or both.  It would be nice to be able to just sit and be able to play whatever I want. 

Well that's about it.  There are others that are a little more personal, but this is the gist of it.  I feel good about completing most if not all of them this year.  I could use some success this year.  Hope all of you keep your goals and that they add to your life. 

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Dedicated to My Amazing Mother

Another Mother's day and did I get my mom a present or a card even? No. It's not that it slipped my mind, because there were days where I thought I should send her a card. I could justify it that Mother's Day isn't a favorite holiday of hers since she uses that day to focus on her few errors as a mother instead of the many wonderful things she has done, and so why bring it up. But I'm really just plain lazy and my mother deserves a better more thoughtful daughter. You see where I get it from, eh?

So in a sense here is my Mother's Day card.

Sometimes I forget all the wonderful things that you have done. You practically raised two very willful children by yourself (with the help of some great aunts and uncles and a very generous and loving grandmother). You put yourself through school and found a career. Your strength is so inspiring to me. As is your faith in our Heavenly Father.

I remember when I was little walking past your room and seeing you kneeling down by your bed and praying. You seemed to be praying for a long time and I always wondered how you had so much to pray for because I didn't pray that long. I think of that every now and then when I think about prayer. You've always been such a good example to me and even though I may not have followed it right away, it was always with me.

Now I won't say that you've done all this without complaint. There's definitely been some murmuring here and there, but that's what I love about you. You're real. I've loved that since I became an adult you can confide in me and I can comfort you when you need it. I hope you know you can always count on me for that as I know I can always count on you.

You're one of my best friends. I couldn't ask for a better mother. I love you so much and am grateful to you for more than I could possibly say. I'm sure there are things you have done for me that I have no idea about. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful day and that I would say this on any day of the year.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sexism at the Movie Theatre

Melanie and I went to see True Grit last night. I had already seen it, but it was a really good movie so I was fine seeing it again and it was only a $1. When we came out of the movie some guy started walking next to us and said, "That's not a movie I would expect to see two girls come out of. Why did you go see that?" We both said we wanted to see it and it was good. He kind of kept going on how it's not a chick flick and so it's weird that we went to it. He asked our names and since we got a weird vibe from him Melanie introduced herself as Melissa and I introduced myself as Jessica. Never given a wrong name before. It was fun.

I was so blindsided the encounter that it wasn't until after we left that I realized I should have let him have it for being so sexist. He had even said the reason we must have seen it was because Matt Damon was in it. Whatever dude!! It was a good movie! An academy award nominated movie!! Don't put people into categories just because of their sex!! He was lame. I'm sure he thought he was being quite funny. But no.

Developments in the Dating World

Minor though they may be.

I do not date very much. Not really because I don't want to, I just don't get asked. The last few years, I don't really put myself into situations to meet men who could ask me out. Dating is such a hassle. Too bad it's what you gotta do to get married.

I've always been wary of set ups. Mainly because I don't feel I can be myself on blind dates. I'm always a little shy when I first meet people and even though I can overcome it if needed, I'm usually uncomfortable and awkward. But you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.

About a month ago, my friend and coworker Emily said she had a friend she wanted to set me up with. That he was really into movies like I was and was a really great guy and thought we would hit it off. Well, I told her I would think about it. My last set up wasn't the best so I was a little gun shy. She didn't push the issue which I really appreciate.

Then a few weeks ago my boss, Adam, sent me an email that said "My wife wants to set you up with her brother." I was stunned. I've only met my boss's wife one time for five seconds and while I know Adam has talked about me to her, he doesn't know many personal things about me. So I don't know why his wife thought we would be a good fit. She's just probably lining up dates for him wherever she can.

So Adam and had a long conversation about his brother-in-law and how weird it would be if it worked out and we were related. It would be so funny. He seems like a nice guy. He lives in California now but is considering moving to Utah in order to find his special someone. He had been out that week for a vacation and General Conference but he was leaving the next day.

The night before, I get a text from Adam telling me he talked to Scott (the brother-in-law) about me and he was interested in taking me out when he comes back into town in possibly a few weeks. I said sure. Then Adam said Scott wanted to talk first via Facebook or phone or whatever and would I add him as a friend. I said sure.

I have added Scott as a friend and have not heard one word from him. No biggie, though when Adam asked me about it he seemed bugged with Scott for not messaging me. Oh well.

During this whole thing I told Emily I would go out with her friend if he wanted to. His name is Jonathan and I checked him out on Facebook to see what he was like. Great taste in music, movies and TV shows. I know he checked me out on Facebook and thought the same thing so told Emily "Why not." He called me on a Thursday to make a date for the next week. Tuesday was decided and that we would go see a movie and maybe get dessert afterward. Monday night he was supposed to call but nothing. It was weird, but maybe he just forgot. No he did call, but my phone is retarded and didn't show me the missed voicemail until the next morning. I called him right away and we confirmed our plans. Dinner at Zupas and go see Win-Win.

The date went very well. He is a really nice guy and easy to talk to. We talked about work and movies and other people we both knew. He had actually been in my ward for a while last year, but I had never seen him at church. Probably because I wasn't there myself most of the time and when I was I kept to myself. The movie was really good. I liked it a lot. I would go out with him again if he asked me. We hugged good bye and he made a vague we should go another movie sometime comment. I agreed so we'll see. Maybe we'll just be movie buddies.

I haven't asked Emily if she got any feedback from him about our date. I don't really want to though I am curious, but I figure his actions pretty much tell me.

So that's my dating life, exciting as it is. Probably my only date of the year. I usually average about one date a year. Maybe once I feel comfortable I'll try online and then that number may go up, but until then....

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

There Was a Holiday?

So my normal lead up to Valentine's Day is dread or depression as I am always single and have been for forever. Well, that's not quite true. There were a few times I would plan out little gifts to my friends as I knew I would be receiving Valentines from them. That was usually fun. Actually, I take back the whole dread and depression statement. I'm sure there were some years where I felt that way (probably high school), but mostly it has been another chance to show love for my friends. Not that I need a holiday for that, but hey any excuse for gifting, right?

This year, however, it totally snuck up on me. Or I really just don't care about much these days. Work is so busy. I mean so busy that I am way behind on reading my blogs. Those who know me know how much I usually keep up on my blogs. I think the last time I had zero blogs to read was over a month ago and that was even with me just marking some as read.

My only clue that Valentine's Day was approaching was that one of our admins had each of us secretly deliver a paper heart to a coworker stating what we appreciated about them. A Secret Valentine, if you will. We drew out the heart so who I picked was totally random and I was one of the first to choose so there were many possible options, but I happened to choose the one coworker I have been having the worst time with at work. It was so hard to think of what to say. He's a nice guy so I wrote about him as a person not someone to work with. I didn't do it though until the last possible moment and in the few days that I had he managed to upset me even more. It was so hard. Probably meant to be.

Only when I needed to figure out what to write did Valentine's even enter my mind. Monday, we got cute little sugar cookies that the same admin brought in to commemorate the day. When I went home I just did my usual. Made dinner and watched TV. It was only when I realized that all my shows were focused around Valentine's Day that I thought this may be the most uneventful Valentine's Day ever for me and I was totally fine with it. Thank goodness. Luckily other than the TV shows I wasn't exposed to too much lovey doveyness of people I knew in couples. My mind is just in a fog. I work and have so much going on that when I come home I just veg out and let my brain just shut down. It's great.

The only thing is that there was a knock on my door that night. Our outside light has been out for a while so I couldn't see anything. Before I opened the door I had a feeling that no one would be there and I was right. All there was was a little present left for me. Well, I had to ruin the fun so I went out into the carport and yelled out Melanie's name. I knew she was hiding somewhere because I spotted her truck. It didn't take long before I spotted her crouched behind my rommate's car. She hates that I looked for her but I couldn't help it. She took off soon thereafter. Probably to have more successful ring and runs. I feel a little bad that I didn't do Valentine gifts for my friends this year, but only a little. Like I said above I don't care about much these days. Just getting from one day to the next.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Distant Memories

Isn't it weird how something you haven't thought about in years or may have never remembered just suddenly gets triggered in your mind?

I was watching a movie a week or so ago and in the final scene these parents are dropping off their daughter at college. They visit her dorm room and kind of decide where things should go. Then they say their final goodbyes and they get in their car and drive away.

This suddenly brought back to mind when my mom drove me to college and we unloaded the car and took it up to my new room. I was the first to arrive and so got to choose what bed I wanted. I think my mom hung around much longer than she needed to, but I know she and I were delaying the inevitable goodbye to my childhood, my dependence on her, and to each other.

My mom and I have always been very close. We laugh together, have great talks and even cuddle once in a while. In my later teenage years I started to hold hands with her when we would cuddle and though partly I did it because it drove my brother crazy; I also loved that we were that comfortable with each other. She's just one of my favorite people.

So as we walked from my dorm building to the parking lot I think we were kind of silent trying to hold back the tears that I knew I would totally break once it came time to say goodbye. And I was right. As we hugged I just broke down and mom did the same. I at least had someone to comfort me. I had met the mom of my suitemates and when I went back to my room and she saw that I was crying she pulled me into a hug. The movie I saw shows the parents driving off and still upset. I wonder how long my mom cried to herself on the three hour drive home.

Even now, I still get a little misty eyed when I have gone home to visit and it's time for me to leave again. I've caught my mom being the same way. We're just a bunch of cry babies, I guess. (: