In analyzing the funk, depression or whatever you want to call it (I like hormonal imbalance) I've been going through the last couple weeks okay years, but it's been more acute recently, I've decided I'm tired of it. Not to say that just because I have decided that that it's gonna go away, but things need to change and I need to be more proactive to change them. My first try was creating a profile on eharmony.com. It was kind of a free trial for a few days and filled out (or mostly Melanie filled out) all the questions. The next day there were several matches. Unfortunately, I couldn't see their picture unless I subscribed and I hadn't decided to do that. Anyway one guy started up a kind of communication that I just needed to answer some more survey like questions. No big deal, right? Well, I freaked out a little and with all the stress from work building I couldn't handle it and closed my eharmony account. I'm not ready for online dating, yet. Plus, I'm trying to be better about spending and didn't really want to pay the money for it. I want to try the real world first.
Because really, I'm not trying. I spend most of my time with girls. And if guys are present they are usually with one of the girls. I know very few men in my ward, probably because I don't go to any activities. I've felt a little above them, but I'm gonna get over that. In my last ward, I went to a lot more activities and I knew a lot more guys. Not that that got me anywhere but I'll get into that in a second. So I plan to go to more ward activities this year. At least one FHE a month and I want to join the ward choir.
Now just attending isn't going to be enough. This is gonna be the hard part, I've got to be social. I'm not social. I get nervous about what to say. I'm not good at small talk. But I am determined to practice, practice, practice. And if putting myself out there doesn't work, which it might not, I'll ask guys out. I need to practice dating so that it's not this huge deal or so serious. Just fun. So I'll ask guys I wouldn't mind getting to know better but just want to have a good time. This last part might not happen for some time, because a good friend told me today when I was talking about this that I have a confidence problem. It's true I do. So I'm hoping going to more activities and being more social will help with that.
Other things to change. I've got to be more on top of things at work. My new boss expects a lot from me because he believes in me. It's been a long time since I've had that and I don't want to let him down.
My living situation. Though I've tried to change what I can of what I don't like about where I live, it hasn't helped. There's only so much I can do and take. So I might move this year. I've been looking for a while, but until I can get my spending under control (another thing to change) somethings aren't turning out. And I already know I can't move for the sake of moving. I love a lot of the comforts I have here. I'm going to look into buying and see how that might work or just getting a place to myself, but still renting or anything. I need to seriously look into it. A change in that would be good for me I think.
I hope that all this will help, if not get me a man, then at least add to my happiness. That is most important. I can see me totally not following through all this but I'm gonna try to. I already plan on going to FHE next week, sledding, should be fun.
3 comments:
I think you've taken a big first step in the way towards happiness! And don't sell yourself short! I believe that you can do anything that you put your mind to. You wanted to learn to play piano and guitar, so you did! You wanted to learn to make cakes, and they are some of the most beautiful cakes I've ever seen! Same principle applies here, I think. You want to be happy! Do all you can!
I think these goals sound fabulous! I especially love the ward choir one! If my ward had a choir, I'd so join! <3 You're awesome and beautiful! Go get 'em, Cass! Love you!
First of all, I loved chatting with you last night...thanks!
Second of all, I love your background!
Finally, I second everything Katie wrote. You're so fabulous that when you decide to do something, you'll do it, if it's something you really want. Take changes slow...maybe one at a time, that way you don't get overwhelmed and then discouraged. Most importantly, be open to new opportunities and they'll come. Who knows what they'll be, but they WILL come!
Finally #2, thanks for the Christmas presents! I loved them! I'm listening to the french music right now and am loving it! As always, you did a fabulous job!
Love you!!
Ditto to all the above. Since you're getting advice, I'll add mine. You have to learn to be happy with yourself. In the long run, no man or anyone else can do that for you. And trying new things is the best way. I've always been so impressed with your lack of fear at trying something new. Or maybe you were afraid but went ahead anyway. Even more impressive. I wish you could know how truly wonderful you really are.
PS. Where's that blog you promised with all your Christmas crafts? I've been anxiously waiting.
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